REPUBLIKA.CO.ID, By: Asma Nadia

Giving advice is a duty of parents to children, teacher to student, junior to senior, old people to young people though it can have the opposite effect.

The advice is presented based on a person's faith, but unfortunately, many advices around us seem right, but can mislead if applied blindly.

The sentences, "it is better to be rich in soul, rather than rich in treasures of gold's" or "we do not need wealth, but we need happiness". It looks wise, but destroys the creativity of human child to be successful and strong. A person can be rich in soul and rich in treasures in the same time, a rich man can be happy also. In Islamic history, every Muslim could see the role of Abu Bakar or Abdurrahman bin Auf in using their assets.

The Prophet Muhammad who was often portrayed as a zuhud (leaving all things that are not useful for the sake of Hereafter) basically was a rich man. He has extraordinary access to financial sectors. Economic access has allowed the Prophet Muhammad to run a country and funded the war. He might be zuhud, but at the same time he has an economic power.

Another advice is "The fortune is not going anywhere" or "It is not my fortune"

These advice have the potential to make a person who failed in business did not evaluate his failures, or he would not re-think his mistakes in running the business. They sleep well and did not feel guilty because they believed that it did not their fortunes.

Just sleep without feeling guilty is still better. But on the other hand, by saying "it was not my fortune," it could implicitly mean, "my business failure is because of God" or God became the suspect for the mistakes that I made. Are you ready to meet God if you always blamed Him for your personal failures?

Similar advice is often heard related to soul mate phenomena. "Your soul mate will not go anywhere" or "He is not my soul mate."

Finding a soul mate needs same efforts with marketing development. The difference, we promote personal quality to look for a soul mate. Can you convince your boyfriend that you are the right woman for him?

A man who is looking for woman must convince that he is a responsible male figure and ready to protect his family and able to provide needs for his wife and children.

A woman who is looking for man must convince that she is able to be good wife and supporting her husband's career. She is also potential to be a good mother for her children.

The difference with marketing, finding a soul mate is the process of selling and buying in one package. We make a branding for ourselves; we also see and assess the criteria of potential soul mate. Of course the process of looking for a soul mate is more complicated than just buying and selling process as it involves commitment and lifetime happiness.

The problem is, every time we fail to find a soul mate, if you trust the advice "your soul mate will not go anywhere," we are not going to evaluate and improve ourselves, or we do not feel the need to adjust the criteria.

In my opinion, God determines the exact soul mates for His people, but you are selecting it. If you failed, it was not God's mistake. If you find it, you must be grateful.

Many people died in old age with single status. Does God not provide soul mates for them? Exactly it was not God's mistake. Try to evaluate, how far you prepare yourself and try to find out your spouse? How many decisions that you took when a person came to you, or when you wanted to carry out an approach, but then you gave up with many reasons? Everyone is responsible for decision he made, and every decision has consequences that must be borne.

Another piece of advice that is often up to our ears is, "God will forgive you." It is often addressed to victims of people's mistakes, but you are required to forgive it. If not, then it becomes wrong impression.

I am a person who does not easily forgive someone unless he or she commits not to repeat the same mistakes, or at least he or she tries not to commit the same offense.

If God becomes the benchmark, God who is all-forgiving not only provides a haven but also hell. That is why there is a prison and the rule of law in a religion. Sometimes, forgiveness is not the way to solve a problem.

We must carefully choose many advices around us, so that we do not take for granted all that are delivered to us, because, if we do not understand an advice, then in the end we also bear the consequences.

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